The Silver and Black Shitshow: Chapter 5 - "Ravenclaw'd"

*Readers' discretion advised* 

September 1, 2018 was the day the Silver and Black Shitshow was reborn. In arguably the worst trade in recent memory, the Shitshow gives up a walking HOF talent in Khalil Mack to the Chicago Bears for two first round picks that may or may not pan out considering the fringe track record this organization brings to the table. The trade signified that the tank job was in motion. Thus began the great Oakland purge. The following month, the Shitshow tried to make up for that trade by pillaging the Dallas Cowboys' 2019 1st round draft pick in exchange for an underperforming Amari Cooper.

The current aftermath of the trades clearly don't favor the Raiders. The Bears sit atop of the NFC North with an 8-3 record since they went all in on "The Mack." To add to that top 10 defense last year, it helped signify the return of the "Monsters of the Midway." Meanwhile, the Dallas Cowboys are currently 3-1 since trading for Amari Cooper and sit atop of the pathetic NFC LEast. The two teams were featured on Thanksgiving Thursday. Although Mack was limited to just one tackle, the Bears still managed to pull out a win against Detroit's Thanksgiving Punching Bag (Lions). Meanwhile, Amari Cooper, exploded onto the scene with a 180 receiving yard, 2 TD game against the Deadskins, who in reality have an above-average secondary with Josh Norman and newly acquired HaHa Clinton-Dix, but can't tackle worth for shit. We watch in utter disgust as Coop put the Redskins secondary on roller skates throughout the game. Truly, it was a disappointing Thanksgiving for the Raider Nation having to watch two promising players that the team gave away lead their new teams to victory and in the playoff hunt. While we sit there and stuff away on our Thanksgiving meals in depressing fashion having to watch them do well on other teams. Not to mention, as long as the Bears and Cowboys keep winning, those 2019 first round picks will continue to move to the back end of the draft. But it's all part of the Tank Commander's master plan right?

By the end of the Thanksgiving weekend, the Silver and Black Shitshow, losers of the Seventh Tank Bowl (UrinatingTree, 2018) travel to the nest in Baltimore, MD to take on House Ravenclaw. Flocking on the opposite side of the Shitshow was Michael Crabtree. We all know he was waiting for this game to prove to the Tank Commander that releasing him to the Ravens flock would be his fatal mistake. In truth, the Ravens do have their share of ups and downs this season. Inconsistent play by their defense. Joe Flacco continuing to prove he's truly "elite." You name it. But, there's a sparkplug brought back to the Ravens that hasn't been seen since the 2012 Super Bowl season. Enter Heisman winner, Lamar Jackson. As Flacco battles injuries, Lamar Jackson stepped in to give Ravens fans something to cheer about and possibly make Flacco a backup QB at this point of his career.

However, the Shitshow, inspired by last week's win, wanted to send a statement that there's still fight in this team amid of all the turmoil. They put together a solid opening drive out of the gate, capping off with a rushing TD from the Muscle Hamster. The secondary stepped up and picked off Lamar Jackson twice. Let's not kid ourselves, the secondary is still not that good. They benefited from a couple of lucky tips. Old ass Reggie Nelson got a pick. That's not saying much. Unfortunately, like always, the Shitshow couldn't sustain control of the game as the Ravens stormed right back with their running game, special teams, and defense. Baltimore's running game behind Lamar Jackson and Gus Edwards made mince meat out of this Raiders' D-line. They couldn't find a way to bring an age old Terrell Suggs down as he rumbles a fumble recovery into the end zone to seal the game. Michael Crabtree didn't break out for this game, but he still managed to score 1 TD and record 21 receiving yards. While his replacement? Only managed just 1 target and no catch. Maybe you should've actually retired Jordy Nelson. I actually feel sorry for you that you bought into the Tank Commander's bull crap.

Onto the biggest turkey of this game. I remembered in the draft recap that the Raiders could've selected better players in the 2nd and 3rd rounds and waited in the later rounds to draft guys like P.J. Hall and Brandon Parker. And they're proving me right. Biggest turkey goes to Brandon Parker ladies and gentleman! I couldn't comprehend how much of a garbage job he did on that O-line. Three consecutive sacks given up as he allowed Checkdown Derek eat a fistful of turf courtesy from the hands of Matt Judon this game. This is what happens when you reach massively in the first three rounds for a project pick. It's even worse when you have Tom Cable as an O-line Coach who has a legacy of failure coaching up raw O-linemen. No offense Cable dude. I loved you as a head coach in 2010, but you are horrible when it comes to player development on the O-line. Brandon Parker should at least be in the practice squad at best after this game. Fucking Grade A 3rd round pick Gruden and McKenzie!

This Thanksgiving weekend was a triad of horrors for the Silver and Black Shitshow. As mentioned with Mack and the Bears continuing to dominate the NFC North standings. Cooper and the Cowboys winning and in the division lead of the weak NFC East. And now Crabtree earning sweet sweet revenge over his former team. Just imagine if they played for the Raiders. Oh wait they did! And you let all three of them go for the unknown and veterans who have no place in a team that's clearly tanking for picks. Way to prove how clueless this moronic front office and coaching staff is when it comes to managing talent that are viable assets to the team. With this loss to the Ravens, it couldn't possibly get any worse-*looks at the schedule and sees they're facing Kansas City next.* And by that, it will get worse with the Cult of Mahomes coming to town. Start all your Chiefs players in Fantasy this week folks! Can't believe I'm actually encouraging that.

Lakers Weekly Roundup (11/25): "Too Close"

*Some NSFW language*

Improbable, ugly wins happen in sports all the time. They always have us asking "how in the literal fuck did we win this game?" It's even worse when the opposition is a mediocre team, but they keep it interesting because the game is too close. Like, this game should've been a blowout. Or when a team makes far too many mistakes, yet they still pull a W out of the hat against the oppositions. It's ugly, but a win is a win.  You win far too many close games. But unfortunately, too many close games can lead to an eventual defeat down the road. This pretty much sums up the previous week for the Lakers. This is your Lakers' weekly roundup.

11/21: @ Cleveland [W] 109-105 (10-7)

HIGHLIGHTS

The King returns to his former domain  of Cleveland, Ohio. Unlike 2010, LeBron was showered with a little bit more adoration in his homecoming in a different uniform. As I said, the man delivered his promise of a championship to the city in four tries against the OP Warriors. Cleveland, you should be forever grateful for that. Onto the actual game though, the Lakers struggled to find their footing against a previous mediocre Cavs team to the point they were down double digits heading into the fourth quarter. Jordan Clarkson was on a mission this game, not only to prove to the Lakers, but to prove to LeBron himself how much he's grown. It was a not too shabby game from our Fil-Am buddy as JC notched up 20 points and 5 assists off the bench. Unfortunately for the Cavs, they could've used LeBron to close out this game. Cause literally LeBron had deja vu and had to carry this Laker team to victory. He was the leader in the top statistical categories. Points - LeBron, 32 points. Rebounds - LeBron, 14 rebounds. Assists - LeBron, 7 assists. Cleveland, that was for you. On the bright side, at least the Cavs notched some surprising wins against Houston and Philadelphia following the aftermath of this game.

11/23: vs. Utah [W] 83-90 (11-7)

HIGHLIGHTS

What a turnover shitfest this game was. Look away casual NBA fans if you don't like low-scoring games unlike us who've grown up to 80's-90's BBall. Clearly, both teams missed dessert on Thanksgiving night that they decided to make up for it with turnovers. The Jazz committed 19. The Lakers? 23 turnovers. Usually, when the Lakers commit more turnovers than the opposition, they'd usually lose. But, that wasn't the case this game as they showed that they can play defense and hold opponents under 100 points. On the flip side, they did catch a break as last year's Rookie of the Year runner up, Donovan Mitchell had a rib contusion in the 2nd quarter and never returned. Who's gonna pick up the slack? Ricky Rubio? He only had 7 points and 3-12 shooting. For the Lakers, it wasn't just King James who got all the headlines. "Slender Ingram" was unleashed this game with 24 points and was in attack mode all game long. The 2nd straight time the Lakers bailed themselves out from another ugly victory.

11/25: vs. Orlando [L] 108-104 (11-8)

HIGHLIGHTS

With all these sloppy, close wins, the Lakers were due for a loss if they continue to keep cockteasing us that things are trending upward. That came to fruition this game. For the Magic's next trick? They make the Lakers disappear in front of their faces for the rest of the season. Serves the Lakers right for allowing the Magic to blow the game open by the end of the fourth quarter for being so nonchalant and careless with the lead. This will be just like the game in Cleveland right? Wrong! Oh, they did rally in the fourth, but I could not comprehend the shot selection down the stretch when the game was all nodded up at 104. Like why the hell are you guys jacking up threes? You could've just drive to the hole and if you draw some contact, you could make your free-oh that's right they shot 50% from the free throw line this game. A rally would've happened if it weren't for this team's free throw atrocity. I guess that's why they wanted to go for the knockout blow from deep. KCP's threes, way short. LeBron, drive to the hole! You're a 200+ pound freight train! Settles for an ill-advised step back three. On a positive note, McGee had a block party today with 7 blocks this game. Unfortunately, that wasn't enough to stop Nikola Vucevic from dominating this team again like last week.

The Silver and Black Shitshow: Chapter 4 - "Cardinal Sin"

On this latest chapter of the Silver and Black Shitshow, the tanking process has taken a toll on some of the veterans on this roster. After the shellacking last week at the hands of San Dieg-err Los Angeles Chargers, one unnamed veteran has had enough of the Shitshow, expressing: "I gotta get the fuck outta here." Still to this day, we will never know who said that in the locker room. One may suspect that it was Jordy Nelson, who subsequently pulled his best Vontae Davis and retired in the middle of the season. That report turned out to be false information as Nelson is just day-to-day with a hip injury and is still on the active roster.

With this team's worse start since the 2014 NFL Season, it was time to start pointing fingers at the top. Who's more to blame other than the Tank Commander's ego running wild in this deconstruction process? None other than Tommy Boy Mark Davis! Time to face the music Marky D. What you're saying in the interview with Paul Gutierrez is clearly stating the obvious: "everything here is your fault." This was the same guy who gave up 1/5 of his overall net worth to bring the Chuckster out of the Monday Night Football booth, when he hasn't coached in 10 years. Cause clearly the muscles and hot shot looks of Jack Del Rio weren't enough to erase your hard on on the Chuckster. You've brought a lot of damaged goods on this once proud franchise since you stepped in the day your dad died.

On top of that, Davis confirmed that the organization has proposed a lease up until 2020 with the City of Oakland and the Coliseum authority. Because let's be honest, Oakland City leaders are clearly masochists in disguise when it comes to the Raiders because they clearly enjoy the Raiders kicking them while they're down. Mark Davis and his honchos have clearly blasted you guys in public with every opportunity they had and y'all just let it slide. I wouldn't be surprised if Oakland agrees to the lease extension. It would absolutely would show the lack of backbone they have. You all had your chance to file the lawsuit while your cards are faced down. Now that Oakland overplayed their cards, they are now an open book with the Raiders threatening to leave early if they ever think about a lawsuit. But Davis clearly would love to win one last time for Oakland. More like spend a couple more tanking seasons in Oakland and have Vegas inherit a contender. We can see through this ploy Marky D. Angry Oakland fans see through it. The city itself though doesn't.

Unfortunately for Davis, even Las Vegas knows the team they're inheriting in two years, is a shitshow now. They initially refused to air this week's Tank Bowl (UrinatingTree, 2018) against the Arizona Cardinals in their local TV markets. It was hilarious to read while it lasted as they local TVs confirmed they would air the game in Vegas two days prior to this game. The game against the Cardinals was as advertised as a battle of two teams to see which team will step aside to protect their position for the number 1 spot. But there was a different vibe this time around. It wasn't the Shitshow tanking. It was the Raiders doing any thing they can to win this game. Perhaps that was the topic surrounding Derek Carr and Chucky's heated sideline exchange. The Tank Commander wanted to tank, but Checkdown Derek has had enough of the Chuckster's shenanigans and said to him: "Fuck you! I want to win this game!"

The Cardinals gave the Shitshow all they can handle. The defense sacked Checkdown Derek four times. David Johnson looked like the David Johnson of 2015. The legend of Larry Fitzgerald continued to shine in Glendale. Andy Lee pinned the Raiders deep to give the defense  a stop. The Raiders had no timeouts. Just feed David Johnson to run out the clock. However, the Cardinals realized the stakes here and shot themselves in the foot. Josh Rosen was a shitshow himself, completing under 50% of his passes this game and throwing two picks. Speaking of the recipient of those picks, it was about fucking time Gareon Conley and Karl Joseph had some action. Cause clearly Gruden was running out old ass vets to run the show. Marcell Ateman finally showed us what he was made of racking up 50 receiving yards. He was big in the final drive to have Daniel Carlson erase the memories of Sebastian Janikowski missing a game-winning chip shot field goal 8 years ago in the same stadium. Jalen Richard picked up the slack in the running game because nobody clearly wants to see a has-been Doug Martin being the bell cow back. I feel like I was living in the Twilight Zone with the Tank Commander making all the right roster calls and getting these young guys to play instead of washed up veterans. Finally welcome to the NFL in 2018 Jon Gruden! But, I wouldn't be surprised if you trade all those guys too that showed out for screwing up the tank process. The Niners didn't have a game this week. But because of the Raiders winning, they move up to the #1 overall pick for the 2019 draft. Not to mention, the Cowboys and Bears won their games. So those extra 1st round picks they traded for move back more. The Tank Commander may be happy on the outside, but deep inside lies a whole lot of anger that his plans have been foiled at least for this one game. Or the Cardinals just wanted to tank more. That's another perspective to look at.

Lakers Weekly Roundup (11/18):- LeBron's Ascension on the All-Time Scoring List

*Some NSFW language*

This is why I liked being wrong about the fact that the Lakers getting LeBron would be a major mistake. Here ye, here ye! The King is here and exerting his throne in Purple and Gold royalty. Not to mention, the Lakers are riding high right now since acquiring Tyson Chandler from the Phoenix Suns. Though, they did take a hit with Rajon Rondo being out 4-5 weeks after having surgery on his hand, prompting the Lakers to call Wagner and Svi from the G-League. Nonetheless, This is your Lakers' weekly roundup.

11/14: vs. Portland [W] 126-117 (8-6)

HIGHLIGHTS

Oh, how the tables have turned on Portland since the Lakers snapped the 16 game jinx two weeks ago. Now, it's the Lakers turn to dominate Portland. LeBron obliges and proceeds to destroy the Blazers to the tune of a near triple-double of 44 points, 10 rebounds, and 9 assists. It's too bad nobody could hit a shot to give him his 10th for a triple-double. In turn, he surpasses, NBA legend and Lakers alum, Wilt the Stilt, Wilt Chamberlain for number 5 on the All-Time scoring list with a three-point play late in the fourth quarter. It's going to be an interesting reaction when he surpasses the previous King of L.A. before him as he is now just a thousand points away from catching the "Mamba King."

11/17: @ Orlando [L] 117-130 (8-7)

HIGHLIGHTS

Not all streaks are created equal. It's hard to believe the Lakers' last win in Orlando was during the time the Magic's last superstar won his revenge game in his lone season as a Laker. Yes, The Lakers had he who shall not be mentioned who's battling all kinds of back injuries in his time in Washington when they last won in Orlando. For the Magic's next trick, they make the "Tyson Chandler effect" disappear. The Magic just destroyed the Lakers here as Nikola Vucevic dominated to the tune of 36 points and 13 rebounds. They did make it interesting though as Coach Steve Clifford elected to put his garbage time unit early in the game. Luke Walton emptied his bench too by putting Beasley and Myhailiuk on the floor. But, they made it interesting, cutting the 21-point deficit to a 10-point deficit. So, the Magic called a timeout, put their starters back in just for safe measure. While Luke just...What the Hell Luke? You could've put the starters back in! What is you doing?

11/18: @ Miami [W] 113-97 (9-7)

HIGHLIGHTS

LeBron once again took his talents to South Beach as the Lakers' fortunes continued to change in Miami. In turn, LeBron puts on a show to remind Heat fans of his greatness from 2010-2014: drop a 51-point performance in his return. The King dropped three ball after three ball. Dunk after dunk. Even Lance Stephenson, his former rival, challenged LeBron on the sidelines. "I bet you won't hit a three." Lance said. LeBron answered Lance's challenge just for old times sake and put a neat bow on this homecoming performance. It's too bad Dwyane Wade was not there, it would've made it more memorable. Hmmm...I wonder what's in store on Wednesday when the King comes back home to Cleveland? Will LeBron continue to personify his greatness? Will the City of Cleveland boo him or revere him when he's introduced? I mean honestly, why would they boo him when he carried that Cavs team to 4 straight finals and winning in 2016 in a monumental upset over the 73-9 Warriors? Tune in Wednesday on the next episode of "Lakers Ball Z!"

The Silver and Black Shitshow: Chapter 3 - "Bolted"

*Reader's Discretion Advised*

Last time on the Silver and Black Shitshow, the Shitshow showed how much they cared about their Bay Area fans, going out in the Bay Area in a blaze of glory in typical Raider fashion. They lay down to the Red and Piss Gold Fucks behind an undrafted rookie who hasn't played a single down. The 49ers may have won the last Battle of the Bay, but the Raiders won the war. Much to the dismay of us here in the Bay Area, those picks are planted for the seeds of Vegas as time winds down for the Raiders' 2nd tenure in Oakland. For who knows where they'll play in the 2019 season.

To ensure nothing disrupts the tanking process, the Oakland purge continues as Bruce Irvin is the latest victim to get the axe from the Tank Commander himself. It wouldn't be long until Brucie finds a home. The 2nd half of what was the Slash Bros. flocked over to the Dirty Birds' nest in Atlanta to reunite the Seattle ties with Dan Quinn. Poetic justice that the Falcons get stymied by the Cleveland Browns of all teams since they got Irvin.

In this chapter, the Shitshow travels back up to I-880 to battle against a red-hot divisional rival. Well, it's not the Kansas City Chiefs. The Chargers come to town and they are hot on Kansas City's tails in the AFC West race. I'm sure we were all expecting the Chargers to come in and put up a major ass whooping. Shockingly, it was not. The Shitshow actually competed against a much more talented team. The Chargers did all that they could to channel in the Chokers and choke this game away early on. But, the Chargers came to the realization that they have a playoff spot to clinch. The Chargers regrouped behind their trio of Rivers, Allen, and Gordon as they helped generate some scoring. Meanwhile the only thing the Shitshow can generate...is a 42 yard fake punt run by Johnny Townsend, the punter who can't pin a team deep. Yeah, that'll get the Black Hole excited! The offense had it's moments here and there, giving some hope. Then, proceed to put the entire Coliseum at nausea with stalled drives and Checkdown Derek eating a fistful of turf as he gets sacked 4 times by a Joey Bosa-less Chargers defense. Oh, but they still have a chance. 4th down and 5, they gotta convert to stay alive in the game. Checkdown Derek proceeds to throw the ball away like it was a third down play. If that isn't signs of a tanking team, I don't know what is. Even some more NFL vets who thought they were gonna help take this team to the next level don't want to be a part of this rebuild any longer. According to one unnamed player sums up the thought of the vets on this roster: "I gotta get the fuck outta here." Honestly at this point, who can blame them for wanting out of this dumpster fire?

Oh hey, at least the Giants beat the Niners on Monday Night. We're #1 baby! #1 in the draft let's not kid ourselves.

Lakers Weekly Roundup (11/11) - The "Tyson Chandler Effect"

*Some NSFW language*

In an effort to bolster the Lakers' defense and rebounding, LeBron James turned to an old friend who has the 2nd most Finals appearance than he has. That is James Jones, who's the acting GM for the Phoenix Suns. With the history surrounding these two since Miami and Cleveland, James Jones decided to do LeBron a favor and reached a buyout agreement with veteran Center and NBA champion, Tyson Chandler. Because honestly he is no use for a rebuilding Suns team anymore with the emerging DeAndre Ayton.  At least we have one LA native come home and play for the Lakers. Congrats Tyson, you did something Paul George doesn't have enough balls to do. This is your Lakers Weekly Roundup.

11/07: vs. Minnesota 110-114 [W] (5-6)

HIGHLIGHTS

Headband LeBron and Derrick Rose back to MVP form. What is this? 2011? It certainly felt like that as both teams traded shots one after another. Despite all of "the Return" jokes, I've always been a fan of Derrick Rose and I wished he got back to MVP form. When the Lakers looked like they were gonna run away, Derrick "Rose" up to the occasion to bring the Timberwolves back and steal one from the Lakers. But, the heroics of the once aspiring "King Slayer" once again couldn't bring down the King and his men. Definitely, the addition of Tyson Chandler helped because the Lakers finally have somebody who will box out and get players in sync on defense. In fact, the loss caused a ripple effect on Jimmy Butler's tenure with Minnesota, sending him to "The Process" yesterday. At least the drama is over.

11/10: @ Sacramento 101-86 [W] (6-6)

HIGHLIGHTS

Oh boy, prior to this game, Lonzo Ball was questionable due to a possible ankle injury. The flood gates of "he's dodging De'Aaron Fox" just opened up once more. Lonzo decided to man up and battle against his nemesis. Though Fox won the battle with 21 points, 7 rebounds, 2 assists, and 2 steals compared to Lonzo's mere 4 points, 3 rebounds, 4 assists, and 1 steal, Zo ultimately won the war this game. The Kings have some pretty good potential, but they don't have a LeBron James. The Lakers smothered the Sucramento Queens to finally get on that .500 threshold, piling up arguably their most complete win of the season so far. Again it's against the Queens, so that's not saying much.

11/11: vs. Atlanta 106-107 [W] (7-6)

HIGHLIGHTS

We're just reminded this game that no lead is safe when it comes to these Lakers. I can't believe that this team almost squandered a 14 point lead against a rebuilding Hawks team of all people. Defense disappeared in the 4th quarter. The Lakers couldn't hit a free throw this game if their life depended on it. LeBron James did as much as he can to LeChoke the game away. Settling for step back threes against a 41-year old Vinsanity and of course, missing two key free throws. *YOU BLEW IT FOR ME IN FANTASY BBALL!* In comes Kyle Kuzma to save the King from choking, securing a rebound, but missing a shot. However that helped put LeBron in position for redemption with a putback dunk. On defense, the "Tyson Chandler Effect" was on full display as he made a game saving block on the help against Trae Young to seal the game. That block was inches away from a goaltend. Nonetheless, this win puts the Lakers above .500 for the first time this season.

No Lakers-Timberwolves Coverage

To be completely, I think I'm gonna have to suspend open thread and full recap posts indefinitely until the 2nd week of December at the earliest. As you know, I'm taking an intensive 7-week graduate course and considering the workload, it's eating into my time to do a little open thread and full recap posts on the blog. So this is my last notification here to cancel. So, sorry guys. You're going to have to wait until the 2nd week of December until I can get back into business. Until then, keep an eye out for weekly recaps.

The Silver and Black Shitshow: Chapter 2 - "BYE BYE BAY!"

*Readers' discretion advised*

I was so looking forward to this latest chapter since this shitfest is way too hot to leave out. The last Battle of the Bay was nothing more but the Silver and Black Shitshow bowing out to the Red and Gold Diggers as their monopoly over Bay Area football starts to take its course after this embarrassment. You know as the old saying goes..."only the Raiders." Because only the Raiders can make the 49ers' third-string quarterback who hasn't taken a single snap in the NFL look like the goddamn second coming of Joe Montana. This wasn't even a battle. This wasn't even a "tank bowl" as the great UrinatingTree coins it. It was nothing more than the 49ers doing the Raiders a favor to speed up their departure from the Bay Area. It was their way of saying "enjoy your trip to the desert, now get the fuck out of here!" The beat down was so bad, that even Twitter had to make Nick Mullens account officially official. Like always, the defense once again lied down like a doormat, ready to take it in the ass. They enjoy being anally fucked like a Vegas prostitute. What is a tackle? What is coverage? What is pursuit? What is a pass rush? Literally none of these exist in the English language dictionary for this shitshow of a defense. Even the Tank Commander had a war of words with Paul Guenther about this atrocious defense. Hey, you're the one who traded arguably the best player on that unit! Guenther should've slapped the Chucky out of you, but it's the NFL and the coaches have to act professional.

The offense? Hoho, don't get me started. The only positive on this Thursday Night shitfest is that they put together a good opening drive...only to settle for 3 points. Then, Spider 2 Y Banana.exe decided to crash and burn as the 49ers defense rekindled that vaunted 2011-2014 form. Yes, when they still had the likes of Justin Smith, Aldon Smith, NaVorro Bowman, Patrick Willis, and Ahmad Brooks. Checkdown Derek went from Checkdown Derek to Sack-Down Derek. The offensive line was as pathetic as a subway entrance gate in letting this 49er D-line penetrate all over them that they decided to have a little fun and audition for the next Karate Kid movie. In fact because of this, we get to see a lot more screen time for Johnny Townsend and see how much of a godawful punter he is. He should change his name from Johnny Townsend to Johnny "Get his ass out of Town and Send him packing." This guy could not even punt the ball past San Francisco's own 30 yard line. It's no wonder the 49ers had such great field position all game long. Back to the O, with Checkdown Derek eating up 7 sacks, the Tank Commander decided he's had enough of watching his $125 million quarterback get pummeled to near death and decided to put in A.J. McCarron. Perhaps sending that 5th round pick to Buffalo was worth it after all. Never mind, he too couldn't do anything behind this makeshift O-line. The time he fielded something good, Daniel Carlson proceeded to miss a field wide right. You can take Daniel Carlson out of the Vikings, but you can't take the Vikings out of Daniel Carlson. Curse those choke artist placekickers from Minnesota!

If I was Jon Gruden, I wouldn't have shown my face after this shitshow in what would be the last Battle of the Bay. You claim that you love Oakland and the Oakland fans, yet this was an example of putting a dagger right into your Bay Area loyalists by losing to the 49ers. I can't even fathom how some Raider fans are happy about this lost. It's no wonder why we clown out-of-town fans because they don't understand that the Bay Area has a lot of pride in their teams. This was bragging rights that was on the line. I don't give a crap if this team is leaving, tanking, and throwing middle fingers up in the air to City of Oakland and the entire East Bay. Fact of the matter is, you never lose to these Red and Piss Gold fucks, especially if you're still a Bay Area team. Since they reside in my goddamn city of Santa Clara, you've brought me shame to be a fan!

The number one rule for teams in rebuilding mode is you never sign aging vets whose glory days are behind them. If it didn't work the same Raiders in 2014, what makes you think it's going to work in 2018? Especially when you trade your promising young talent who haven't hit their prime yet. Now, these vets are just there to cash in their last check before they hit the AARP as they don't have any young star players to complement. Look no further as they released Derrick Johnson and Bruce Irvin and when Dominque Rodgers-Cromartie decided to pull his best Vontae Davis and just retire. At this point, this team in general just doesn't give a flying fuck playing for a Pinocchio coach who has lied to the press constantly and severed ties inside the locker room. It also starts at the top. Mark Davis has this team and organization in a downward spiral. From a divide between the coaching staff and front office to players divided and not giving a fuck anymore since this season is a wash. You think the move to Vegas will miraculously change everything? It will not as long as this dysfunction that has clouded this organization for the past 16 years exists. And unfortunately for Vegas, they have to deal with this shitshow for nine more years. $100 million well spent. Better hope those 5 first round picks pan out for you Vegas or you'll be dealt a dead man's hand courtesy of the Silver and Black Shitshow.

UPDATE: So Libby Schaff got re-elected as Mayor of Oakland? Welp, there goes that lawsuit as they'll probably drag their feet once more and take action when the Raiders already have one foot out the door to Vegas! Congrats voters, you just hit the final nail in the coffin for this already dead franchise.

Lakers Weekly Roundup (11/04): Disappointing Wins; Even More Disappointing Losses

*Some NSFW language*

Well, we heard it from LeBron and Magic Johnson themselves, they are not happy about this start. The Magic Man held a private meeting with Luke and if our assumptions are correct, his job is on the line. So it's time for Luke to stop fucking around with rotation experiments and roll with what works. Let's see how they fare for the week:

Oct. 29 @ Minnesota [L] 120-124 (2-5)

HIGHLIGHTS

As drama unfolds upon the Lakers, they do battle against another drama-filled team in the Minnesota Timberwolves. A shootout was what you expect considering the Lakers surrender big chunks of points. Unfortunately, they could not stop Jimmy Buckets as he welcomes LeBron to the West to the tune of 32 points. "YOU CAN'T WIN AGAINST ME!" Screams Jimmy B.

Oct. 31 vs. Dallas [W] 114-113 (3-5)

HIGHLIGHTS

The Lakers go back home to do battle against a rising Mavs team and the European heir apparent to Dirk Nowitzki in Luka Doncic. The Lakers come right out of the gate and put a curb stomping on those horses for three straight quarters, this should be an easy win. But, the Lakers decided to nearly pull their best Atlanta Falcons blew a 28-3 lead impression as they allowed the Mavs to storm right on back and eventually tying the game up. Fortunately, Wesley Matthews went full bonehead as he fouled LeBron. All LeBron has to do is just make one free throw, which he did and that was all she wrote. A bipolar victory indeed.

Nov 3 @ Portland [W] 114-110 (4-5)

HIGHLIGHTS

Congratulations Lakers, you've finally ended the 16 game losing against those schmucks from the Pacific Northwest. Fitting the win was in Portland as that was the last Lakers' win four years ago. Hard to believe of all former Lakers, Wesley freakin' Johnson was the last player to lead the Lakers to victory. "Dame Time" definitely ran out on this one. "Playoff" Rondo showed up earlier than expected with a near triple-double of 18 points, 10 rebounds, and 8 assists as he finger rolled the Blazers to death with layups. The Lakers built a comfortable lead in the third quarter, then as usual decided to make it interesting than normal in the fourth. I swear these wins are making us bipolar. Happy they won, but not happy they almost squandered what was a decisive lead in Q3.

Nov. 4 vs. Toronto [L] 121-107 (4-6)

HIGHLIGHTS

On this day of November 4, 2018, the City of "LeBronto" declared independence from the clutches of their ruler King James and reverted back to Toronto. To add insult to injury, they were without one of the original "King Slayers" Kawhi Leonard and yet the Raptors still kicked the Lakers' ass. They were carried by Serge Ibaka and Kyle Lowry who endured King James' reign of terror in all those years. Ibaka rekindled his game that was lost in his OKC years with 34 points and 10 rebounds while Lowry had a double-double with 21 points and 15 assists. Unfortunately, there was not much the Lakers could do as the Raptors steamrolled them. They had a chance in the 4th quarter, but the curb stomping was insurmountable. The North shall remember this day in history.