*Readers' discretion advised*
September 1, 2018 was the day the Silver and Black Shitshow was reborn. In arguably the worst trade in recent memory, the Shitshow gives up a walking HOF talent in Khalil Mack to the Chicago Bears for two first round picks that may or may not pan out considering the fringe track record this organization brings to the table. The trade signified that the tank job was in motion. Thus began the great Oakland purge. The following month, the Shitshow tried to make up for that trade by pillaging the Dallas Cowboys' 2019 1st round draft pick in exchange for an underperforming Amari Cooper.
The current aftermath of the trades clearly don't favor the Raiders. The Bears sit atop of the NFC North with an 8-3 record since they went all in on "The Mack." To add to that top 10 defense last year, it helped signify the return of the "Monsters of the Midway." Meanwhile, the Dallas Cowboys are currently 3-1 since trading for Amari Cooper and sit atop of the pathetic NFC LEast. The two teams were featured on Thanksgiving Thursday. Although Mack was limited to just one tackle, the Bears still managed to pull out a win against Detroit's Thanksgiving Punching Bag (Lions). Meanwhile, Amari Cooper, exploded onto the scene with a 180 receiving yard, 2 TD game against the Deadskins, who in reality have an above-average secondary with Josh Norman and newly acquired HaHa Clinton-Dix, but can't tackle worth for shit. We watch in utter disgust as Coop put the Redskins secondary on roller skates throughout the game. Truly, it was a disappointing Thanksgiving for the Raider Nation having to watch two promising players that the team gave away lead their new teams to victory and in the playoff hunt. While we sit there and stuff away on our Thanksgiving meals in depressing fashion having to watch them do well on other teams. Not to mention, as long as the Bears and Cowboys keep winning, those 2019 first round picks will continue to move to the back end of the draft. But it's all part of the Tank Commander's master plan right?
By the end of the Thanksgiving weekend, the Silver and Black Shitshow, losers of the Seventh Tank Bowl (UrinatingTree, 2018) travel to the nest in Baltimore, MD to take on House Ravenclaw. Flocking on the opposite side of the Shitshow was Michael Crabtree. We all know he was waiting for this game to prove to the Tank Commander that releasing him to the Ravens flock would be his fatal mistake. In truth, the Ravens do have their share of ups and downs this season. Inconsistent play by their defense. Joe Flacco continuing to prove he's truly "elite." You name it. But, there's a sparkplug brought back to the Ravens that hasn't been seen since the 2012 Super Bowl season. Enter Heisman winner, Lamar Jackson. As Flacco battles injuries, Lamar Jackson stepped in to give Ravens fans something to cheer about and possibly make Flacco a backup QB at this point of his career.
However, the Shitshow, inspired by last week's win, wanted to send a statement that there's still fight in this team amid of all the turmoil. They put together a solid opening drive out of the gate, capping off with a rushing TD from the Muscle Hamster. The secondary stepped up and picked off Lamar Jackson twice. Let's not kid ourselves, the secondary is still not that good. They benefited from a couple of lucky tips. Old ass Reggie Nelson got a pick. That's not saying much. Unfortunately, like always, the Shitshow couldn't sustain control of the game as the Ravens stormed right back with their running game, special teams, and defense. Baltimore's running game behind Lamar Jackson and Gus Edwards made mince meat out of this Raiders' D-line. They couldn't find a way to bring an age old Terrell Suggs down as he rumbles a fumble recovery into the end zone to seal the game. Michael Crabtree didn't break out for this game, but he still managed to score 1 TD and record 21 receiving yards. While his replacement? Only managed just 1 target and no catch. Maybe you should've actually retired Jordy Nelson. I actually feel sorry for you that you bought into the Tank Commander's bull crap.
Onto the biggest turkey of this game. I remembered in the draft recap that the Raiders could've selected better players in the 2nd and 3rd rounds and waited in the later rounds to draft guys like P.J. Hall and Brandon Parker. And they're proving me right. Biggest turkey goes to Brandon Parker ladies and gentleman! I couldn't comprehend how much of a garbage job he did on that O-line. Three consecutive sacks given up as he allowed Checkdown Derek eat a fistful of turf courtesy from the hands of Matt Judon this game. This is what happens when you reach massively in the first three rounds for a project pick. It's even worse when you have Tom Cable as an O-line Coach who has a legacy of failure coaching up raw O-linemen. No offense Cable dude. I loved you as a head coach in 2010, but you are horrible when it comes to player development on the O-line. Brandon Parker should at least be in the practice squad at best after this game. Fucking Grade A 3rd round pick Gruden and McKenzie!
This Thanksgiving weekend was a triad of horrors for the Silver and Black Shitshow. As mentioned with Mack and the Bears continuing to dominate the NFC North standings. Cooper and the Cowboys winning and in the division lead of the weak NFC East. And now Crabtree earning sweet sweet revenge over his former team. Just imagine if they played for the Raiders. Oh wait they did! And you let all three of them go for the unknown and veterans who have no place in a team that's clearly tanking for picks. Way to prove how clueless this moronic front office and coaching staff is when it comes to managing talent that are viable assets to the team. With this loss to the Ravens, it couldn't possibly get any worse-*looks at the schedule and sees they're facing Kansas City next.* And by that, it will get worse with the Cult of Mahomes coming to town. Start all your Chiefs players in Fantasy this week folks! Can't believe I'm actually encouraging that.
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