*Readers' discretion advised*
I was so looking forward to this latest chapter since this shitfest is way too hot to leave out. The last Battle of the Bay was nothing more but the Silver and Black Shitshow bowing out to the Red and Gold Diggers as their monopoly over Bay Area football starts to take its course after this embarrassment. You know as the old saying goes..."only the Raiders." Because only the Raiders can make the 49ers' third-string quarterback who hasn't taken a single snap in the NFL look like the goddamn second coming of Joe Montana. This wasn't even a battle. This wasn't even a "tank bowl" as the great UrinatingTree coins it. It was nothing more than the 49ers doing the Raiders a favor to speed up their departure from the Bay Area. It was their way of saying "enjoy your trip to the desert, now get the fuck out of here!" The beat down was so bad, that even Twitter had to make Nick Mullens account officially official. Like always, the defense once again lied down like a doormat, ready to take it in the ass. They enjoy being anally fucked like a Vegas prostitute. What is a tackle? What is coverage? What is pursuit? What is a pass rush? Literally none of these exist in the English language dictionary for this shitshow of a defense. Even the Tank Commander had a war of words with Paul Guenther about this atrocious defense. Hey, you're the one who traded arguably the best player on that unit! Guenther should've slapped the Chucky out of you, but it's the NFL and the coaches have to act professional.
The offense? Hoho, don't get me started. The only positive on this Thursday Night shitfest is that they put together a good opening drive...only to settle for 3 points. Then, Spider 2 Y Banana.exe decided to crash and burn as the 49ers defense rekindled that vaunted 2011-2014 form. Yes, when they still had the likes of Justin Smith, Aldon Smith, NaVorro Bowman, Patrick Willis, and Ahmad Brooks. Checkdown Derek went from Checkdown Derek to Sack-Down Derek. The offensive line was as pathetic as a subway entrance gate in letting this 49er D-line penetrate all over them that they decided to have a little fun and audition for the next Karate Kid movie. In fact because of this, we get to see a lot more screen time for Johnny Townsend and see how much of a godawful punter he is. He should change his name from Johnny Townsend to Johnny "Get his ass out of Town and Send him packing." This guy could not even punt the ball past San Francisco's own 30 yard line. It's no wonder the 49ers had such great field position all game long. Back to the O, with Checkdown Derek eating up 7 sacks, the Tank Commander decided he's had enough of watching his $125 million quarterback get pummeled to near death and decided to put in A.J. McCarron. Perhaps sending that 5th round pick to Buffalo was worth it after all. Never mind, he too couldn't do anything behind this makeshift O-line. The time he fielded something good, Daniel Carlson proceeded to miss a field wide right. You can take Daniel Carlson out of the Vikings, but you can't take the Vikings out of Daniel Carlson. Curse those choke artist placekickers from Minnesota!
If I was Jon Gruden, I wouldn't have shown my face after this shitshow in what would be the last Battle of the Bay. You claim that you love Oakland and the Oakland fans, yet this was an example of putting a dagger right into your Bay Area loyalists by losing to the 49ers. I can't even fathom how some Raider fans are happy about this lost. It's no wonder why we clown out-of-town fans because they don't understand that the Bay Area has a lot of pride in their teams. This was bragging rights that was on the line. I don't give a crap if this team is leaving, tanking, and throwing middle fingers up in the air to City of Oakland and the entire East Bay. Fact of the matter is, you never lose to these Red and Piss Gold fucks, especially if you're still a Bay Area team. Since they reside in my goddamn city of Santa Clara, you've brought me shame to be a fan!
The number one rule for teams in rebuilding mode is you never sign aging vets whose glory days are behind them. If it didn't work the same Raiders in 2014, what makes you think it's going to work in 2018? Especially when you trade your promising young talent who haven't hit their prime yet. Now, these vets are just there to cash in their last check before they hit the AARP as they don't have any young star players to complement. Look no further as they released Derrick Johnson and Bruce Irvin and when Dominque Rodgers-Cromartie decided to pull his best Vontae Davis and just retire. At this point, this team in general just doesn't give a flying fuck playing for a Pinocchio coach who has lied to the press constantly and severed ties inside the locker room. It also starts at the top. Mark Davis has this team and organization in a downward spiral. From a divide between the coaching staff and front office to players divided and not giving a fuck anymore since this season is a wash. You think the move to Vegas will miraculously change everything? It will not as long as this dysfunction that has clouded this organization for the past 16 years exists. And unfortunately for Vegas, they have to deal with this shitshow for nine more years. $100 million well spent. Better hope those 5 first round picks pan out for you Vegas or you'll be dealt a dead man's hand courtesy of the Silver and Black Shitshow.
UPDATE: So Libby Schaff got re-elected as Mayor of Oakland? Welp, there goes that lawsuit as they'll probably drag their feet once more and take action when the Raiders already have one foot out the door to Vegas! Congrats voters, you just hit the final nail in the coffin for this already dead franchise.
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