Monday, October 15, 2018

Raiders Curb Stomped in London

This was probably for the best that I missed this game since I was busy promoting the next Lakers hype video. I'm gonna do my best to Urinatingtree impression to describe this game. *Warning NSFW language*

On this week's failure, the soon-to-be Vegas Silver and Black shitshow takes its dumpster fire across the world to the outskirts of London to take on a Seahawks squad in shambles and whose team photo is literally Russell Wilson. 

Raider Nation has traveled well to Wembley Stadium for this "home game..." only to have their numbers outnumbered by the 12s or what's left of them. The chants of "SEA-HAWKS" echoed around Wembley as the Silver and Black shitshow lead by Coach Jon "Party Like It's 1998" Gruden and "$125 Million Checkdown Derek" proceeded to lay down for the Hawks for three quarters. Russell Wilson looked like the Russell Wilson of old scrambling around, tossing something out of nothing TDs. Meanwhile the defense did what it did best...becoming a doormat and letting the Seahawks running game run all over them.

But it only gets worse. The offense sputtered as the Chuckster called plays straight out of Tecmo Super Bowl (minus Bo Jackson). Spider 2 Y Banana.exe failed to run. The script isn't going as planned! Let's just run Beast Mode for three straight downs even though the O-line sucks. Checkdown Derek got poor little Cooper killed over the middle yet again. They didn't go to Jared. Finally for the first time, a Kenny Norton defense did not get burned by a mid-tier Tight End! The patchwork O-line made the Seahawk defense look like the Super Bowl XLVIII defense with a thrift shop Legion of Boom as Kolton Miller, Jon Feliciano, and Brandon Parker proceeded to fall flat on their buttocks, causing Checkdown Derek to eat a fistful of English turf. Checkdown Derek then cried in distress as he gimped over to the sidelines clutching onto his arm. The Silver and Black shitshow spent their time in London well, by putting up a mere 3 points for their U.K. faithful in which the Seahawks had the game covered like your All State insurance have you covered from mayhem. The loss was so bad that Bruce Irvin sees nothing wrong with a little Bump n' Grind to take his mind off of the embarrassment caused by his former team.

In all seriousness, the Raiders claim to be a global brand, but in three out of the four games they've been embarrassed big time in international games. How can this team be so delusional that the fans will travel to Vegas, but forget the opposing fanbase of better teams travel as well? Last year, Patriots fans overwhelmed them greatly in Mexico City. This year, the Seahawks 12s took over London. Three times out of four, the world was exposed to a glorified dumpster fire of an organization! It is a preview of their fate in Vegas when the opposing fanbases overwhelm them big time. I can't believe the sheer narcissism behind Bowl Cut Davis and Jon 10 yr, $100 million Gruden. This team, this organization is lost in the head. "We'll win a Super Bowl before we leave Oakland." Proceed to then trade your best draft pick and star defensive player for picks that may or may not pan out. Then, let's shop around Amari Cooper and Karl Joseph because you know, picks! You jackasses have torn the foundation and culture that Reggie McKenzie and Jack Del Rio built into asunder. As a matter fact go to Vegas already because you guys are a match made in heaven. Gamble away your best assets and then wake up the next day with nothing and wondering "what happened last night?" Congratulations, you played yourself! Mark Davis, you've driven this organization and this once-proud and united Nation closer to the brink of oblivion. Al Davis would be proud. 

Don't get it twisted, I still love this team. I'll still be a fan. I'll still cover the games. But I'm just done with this shitfest of a season. 11 more weeks to go until this dumpster fire gets extinguished.



*LET'S GO LAKERS!!!!! LEBRONZO!*

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