*Reader's Discretion Advised*
After the Seattle shellacking in the U.K., the Silver and Black Shitshow returned back to their confines of Alameda. From the orders of Tank Commander Gruden, everyone must go. Despite the Chuckster's efforts of assuring the media that they're not tanking and they're not trading everyone, he continues to turn the other way. In the most recent edition of the Oakland Purge, Tank Commander Gruden orders Freckle Face Reggie to have Amari Cooper walk the plank down to the inglorious depths of Jerry World. Luckily for the Raiders, the Cowboys are stupid enough to offer a first round pick for a guy who has a serious case of dropsies. AC/DC has officially broke up, not the actual band at least. Tank Gruden proceeds to pull out more names on the trading block, putting Bruce Irvin and Karl Joseph out there. As if the Chuckster has no idea how much of a rift he caused in the locker room and in the front office. To make matters worse, the hometown Beast had to be put down until December, leaving Oaklanders absolutely zero reasons to give a fuck about this season as this team prepares to wander into the desert after this season is done with. Unfortunately, it's another middle finger to the town that bore them. You'd really think they want to win one last time for the city of Oakland? To add more insult to injury, Captain Checkdown Derek tweeted that he loves the struggle of fighting back for Oakland. Oh, the irony coming from a guy who called out Oakland Raider fans in mourning as fake fans last year when the Las Vegas move was first announced. As a matter of fact be glad the Tank Commander hasn't dropped you to the wolves with that $125 million sitting on your lap.
With all the lies, slander, and division surrounding this shitshow, the only thing that could remedy all this is a win against the hapless Colts and their quarterback, Andrew who is down on his "Luck." As Checkdown Derek is assured his starting job is safe, now was his time to erase the horrors of 2016 against the same Colts team in the same Oakland Coliseum. Somehow, someway Checkdown Derek rekindled the Derek Carr that was fearless two years ago. It was the resurrection of our lord and savior indeed as Carr threw 3 TD passes and snuck in for a rushing TD. The man eluded every pressure that the Colts D threw at him. But, that wasn't enough to stop General Luck and the union army from Indianapolis. While the offense did work, the defense continued to be walking doormat for opposing offenses. How ironic that a running back who has the last name Mack ran over this pathetic excuse for a run defense as Marlon Mack rushed for 132 yards and 2 TDs. Perhaps it was a harbinger of things to come when the actual Mack from Chicago returns to wherever the fuck the next home is next year for the Silver and Black shitshow. Now, it's the shitshow who are down on their luck in this game as General Andrew romped over Tank Commander Gruden's unit through the air with 3 TDs, two of them to Tight Ends. Ah, the glory days when this defense made average Joe Tight Ends looks like Pro Bowlers. To make matters worse, Doug Martin forgets how to hold onto the fucking football as he makes a costly turnover late in the fourth to put the game on ice.
Overall, it was a good cock tease to give a Raider Nation in the midst of a "Warring States Period" a glimmer of hope. But then the team remembers that they have a tank job to do for picks that may turn out to be the next Khalil Mack or Amari Cooper if they ever find one. List out as many lies and excuses as you want Chucky. Fill out all 32 draft boards in the first round if you like. Just don't lose to the Red and Gold Diggers in my hometown on Thursday please? That's all I ask. The last Battle of the Bay has the makings to be the shitshow of all shitshows that fans would rather surf on their phones with the state-of-the-art WiFi at Levi's rather than pay attention to the shitty product that's in front of them. At least the Bay Area still has the Warriors and their fucking OP team.
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